I’m a terrible fisherperson. I’m a terrible fisherperson because I’ve got the same shit rod that I stole off my brother when he was 10 and when I go fishing it’s in the middle of the day, after a few beers, at a spot that no self-respecting sea creature has visited since the last ice-age, the hooks are rusty, blunt, older than me and the bait I use was bought from the servo last Christmas and has been left in the freezer for 18 months. If you want to be a good fisherman you need a carbon fibre rod, you need to get up very early in the morning, you need to spend a hell of a lot on your bait and you need hooks that have been chemically sharpened. A good boat doesn’t help either.

No surprise then, that if you invest $150,000 on the expedition and cast off into the middle of a calm, hungry media pond after a minor war has gotten boring and before a new President takes office, you’ll get a few bites. So many bites in fact, your website won’t be able to cope with the load.

Brilliant stuff.